I have not been writing on blog since then.
Maybe because the pain was just so real after a while. and I had to pick up so much with life and studies.
I lost him on the 10th February 2012.
And it wasn't easy since then.
All the memories together, the idiot things that I would do just to get his attention..
hmmm, I tried to move on. And I am still trying it every single day.
I still call his phone number everyday after that incident. I still text him every single day. I don't know why. Its just that, I fell into deep with this guy. He was my everything at the time.
How do I move on?
From constantly messaging someone everyday, to getting no response the day after. It's not just some break up. Its a loss that I'll be grieving everyday. It had felt like my heart was ripped into half and was taken away from me.
I used to still reload his prepaid number every month until I stopped February last year.
And last week...
Something hit me...
The phone number that used to be his, has been recycled and is currently used by some Malay dude.
*cries heavily*
Sometimes,
I just don't know if I'll ever move on from him.
I mean, we were so close. so close to the next step.
Tapi hidup ini sarat dengan rahsia Allah swt.
I believe everything must've happen with a reason.
Then it hit me again. That I didn't lose him all at once. It was gradually.
It was from not receiving the sweet goodnight texts, then the scent on his shirts are fading, and then my friend suddenly snatch my necklace that was given from him to me (were not friends anymore btw), then his Facebook was finally taken down... and now, his number is used by another person.
I just miss him.
so much.
and it hurts badly. I would just cry so much about him, and then laugh remembering all the idiot moments...
but no one will still understand this pain.
no one besides Allah swt.
Al-fatihah to you.
You're always in my heart K.
Always, insyaAllah.
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